if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
