My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
