I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How's work?
Spinning.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
