Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
