I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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