Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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