My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize