How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
