tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
