why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
