He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
