Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
