Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
