I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
