tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
