I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His hands were made for my vagina.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
