Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
