Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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