apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
