I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
