Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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