btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
