I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
bring money and cleavage
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
