and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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