He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
