i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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