i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dignity is for republicans.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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