i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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