Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
