The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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