Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
