I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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