I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
