i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
