Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
