so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize