it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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