go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
