Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i will never coherently bang her
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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