I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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