i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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