He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh god it's open bar.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
