Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
