Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
