Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
