I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
