Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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