i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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