Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
