look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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