well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
