2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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