We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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