I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
