dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Success! We fucked roommates!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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