yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
