I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
