I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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