You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
