During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
