she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
