You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
