Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
