I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
