Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
